About the rumored candidates for the Notre Dame job ...

The Cincinnati coach. The Stanford coach. The Northwestern coach.

The Oklahoma coach. The TCU coach. The former NFL Super Bowl coach. The one from the Baltimore Ravens, not the one from the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Wait. The Steelers' guy, too.

So far, the talk shows and blogs have it narrowed down to a thousand or so. Any more late additions? How about the guy who crashed the White House dinner?

The speculation really came to life last week, while poor old Charlie Weis tried to beat Stanford. Everyone had their idea for a cure, and he must have felt like an H1N1 virus.

Surely, we must narrow the field. A written exam might help. Anyone who fails this Notre Dame introductory trivia test goes to the back of the line. To increase the chance for success, only two choices are listed for each question.

So the quiz has been softened a bit.

Just like the football schedule.

• 1. The biggest reason you want this job is ...

a. Tradition, prestige and the challenge.

b. Florida and Alabama already have a coach.

• 2. If you are the choice, your first task should be ...

a. Waking up the echoes.

b. Waking up the defense.

• 3. Here's the most important thing not to say at your introductory press conference.

a. You've never seen the movie “Rudy.”

b. You're going to out-scheme all the other college coaches. Weis promised to do that, and it doomed him to charges of arrogance before he called his first play. They're still chortling in Pete Carroll's office.

• 4. On the wall of the library facing the stadium is a famous mural of Jesus holding up both hands. Popular lore has him ...

a. Signaling a touchdown.

b. Surrendering to Navy.

• 5. The trickiest job at Notre Dame next year will be ...

a. The new defensive coordinator.

b. The accountant who has to figure out how to pay both you and the rest of Charlie Weis' contract.

• 6. A good fan promotion next season would be free tickets for ...

a. Whoever shows up in the best leprechaun outfit.

b. Whoever can name, within two years, the last time Notre Dame beat USC.

 

[More at www.citizen-times.com]
 

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